helpless

i cried for the 3rd time in this 2weeks.

why why why? why did the same damn thing happens to me after 4years?


i hate myself for thinking this and that when im nt supposed to.
i hate myself for crying over sth which i believe i did nothing wrong.
i hate myself for being that weak and helpless when it comes to friendship problems.


why im always the one begging for others, as if i did anything wrong, when i didnt.

i apologized to a fren who betrayed me when i was in secondary. i choose to be-friend again with her by saying sry to her when she was the 1 who supposed to apologize.

and, i think im going to do the same thing again this time. why? im really sad.


wat's more, i dunhav anyone to talk to. all my close frens are not with me. all i can do was staring at the computer, typing this crap thing, letting my tears blurred my vision.

FML

FML~

why things keep on happening to me recently? first, there was this journal thinggy. why why why? i am so worried tat it will affect the 2 seniors who worked with me. i really broke into tears when my fren told me about the incident. i cried not bcoz i m worried that i will be questioned by the managers, but it's my seniors. if it costs them their career, wat should i do? T.T hell worried, even till now. i tried convincing myself nothing is going to happen. but, recently i was being told that another person who was directly involved resigned, i dun even knw whether was it due to that incident. what should i do? what m i supposed to do? I m so darn worried tat my seniors will be questioned.

they should hav at least told me tat this thing happened but they choose to kip it away frm me. they told me nth about tat incident. if it's not my fren, i guess i would not knw about this forever in my life. mayb they hid the truth jz bcoz they wanted to protect me and it's not really my fault. but, i think i should somehow bear some responsibility. if and only if i had asked the seniors, this would not have happened. but how should i knw i m not allowed to do tat? T.T

feeling very helpless at this moment.